As software-defined vehicles become the norm, the uncomfortable truth is that an electric car without sound or gears is ultimately just a white good that can do 0-100 in three seconds, more or less
Words by Karan Karayi
When I was hunting for my next car, I had very nearly finalised the Kia EV6. All that was left was writing a big, fat cheque for it. That I didn’t is because my friends threatened to have me socially ostracised. And I’m glad they did, since the damn thing is selling for some 20 lakhs off at showrooms just a year after I had almost pulled the trigger.
Don’t get me wrong. The EV6 was an excellent car. The suspension damping was surprisingly mature and pliant, very Germanic even. To the point the damping and way it went reminded me of the G30 530d. The chassis too had minimal body roll. And because it was an EV, it was fast as heck, in that typically EV way. But soul was something it lacked, since it made little to no sound. Again, in that typically EV way.
For a long time, the automotive industry told us this was the inevitable future. At first, every major carmaker scoffed at the very idea of electric vehicles. Then, when regulations and market pressures forced their hands, they completely cocked their noses up at the idea of EVs making engine sounds, or having artificial gearshifts and rev limits. “Electricity is smooth and silent,” the executives preached from their high horses. “Why on earth would we mimic the archaic, vibrating explosions of the past?”
Well, it turns out, because human beings are entirely irrational and we actually happen to like the archaic, vibrating explosions of the past. Who knew?
And so, every single major automaker is now giving into it. They are climbing aboard the gravy train of absolute, unashamed fakery. Take Hyundai, for instance. Their blisteringly fast Ioniq 5 N features an “N e-Shift” mode that painstakingly simulates the jolts of an eight-speed dual-clutch automatic transmission. It even artificially limits the electric motor’s torque to simulate a redline, meaning if you try to exit a slow corner in the wrong “fake” gear, the car will literally bog down. It makes the car measurably slower to 60 mph, but the sheer theatre of it all might just fool you into falling in love with an electric powertrain.
The Germans have inevitably caved, too. BMW went out and hired the legendary Hollywood composer Hans Zimmer to create an electronic symphony for cars like the i4 and iX. Porsche, a company that usually takes the science of speed incredibly seriously, has been testing a prototype EV that features paddle shifters and simulated gearshifts. They took the glorious noise of a Cayenne V8 and mathematically modified it to fit the characteristics of an electric motor. Igitt!
But the ultimate, jaw-dropping sacrilege comes from Maranello. Yes, Ferrari. The sacred temple of the naturally aspirated V12 is currently building its first electric supercar. And what are they doing? They have filed patents for a system that will extract sound from electric motors and push it through external resonators to give their EV a “genuine” powertrain roar. They are also reportedly developing virtual gearshifts actuated by paddle shifters to emulate the torque output of an internal combustion engine. Old man Enzo must be turning in his grave at roughly 8,000 RPM.
So, can software save the mechanical soul? We are rapidly transitioning into an era of software-defined vehicles, and the uncomfortable truth is that an electric car without sound or gears is ultimately just a white good. It is a refrigerator that happens to do 0-100 in three seconds.
Automakers have finally realised that driving isn’t just about raw speed; it is about visceral emotion. If injecting synthetic exhaust pops and writing thousands of lines of code to make a car violently jerk on a fake upshift is what it takes to keep the joy of driving alive, then I say bring on the matrix. Even if you’ll catch me in the corner humming ICE, ICE, baby to myself.
